I Believe In Coffee

Obsession is a lovely perfume.

2011-05-05T23:20:00.001-04:00

I have never known someone like you. You don't, cannot possibly understand me on some levels. I do not know if this why I trust you on other levels, but it seems a plausible enough explanation.

If you knew the full scope of this, if you understood.
JeannieGeriKathrynMarissaMaryJennyKatySusan...
If you could fathom how dangerously they became real people instead of Kathryn Motherfucking Janeway Bitch Please.

If you were an addict it is cool you felt alive.

If that kept you up at night.

Good morning internet

2010-08-30T02:31:00.001-04:00

Remember me?

I have this insane urge to post things all over you, like people's real names and photos and my creepy stalking stories of them.

This is a bad idea.

But if we can all use our imaginations here, let's pretend I posted a link to a lawyer's profile on a Very Important Law Firm's web site. Because I would like you to imagine that this lawyer? She's a total baller. I'm terrified of her to the point that my speech centers can shut down in her presence, but she's still pretty fucking awesome.

i can touch you but you are not real

2010-05-01T17:49:00.000-04:00

i always have this impulse to photograph you. not in the way that the paparazzi want to document a phenomena from the outside, but in the way that i selfishly want to take a part of you and keep it to myself.

if only cameras did steal a piece of your soul.

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

we talk about real people. conventionally, real people have jobs and responsibilities and have graduated. but we say it in another way, usage evolving under the surface.

real people are not addicts. i want to say neither of us are real, but you can fly so much higher than i can.

Free me, leave me
Watch me as I'm going down
Free me, see me
Look at me, I'm falling and I'm falling.

i want to trust that you can get up from your fall

Gay rights: can "progress" lead to a bleaker future?

2010-04-19T22:48:00.111-04:00

Obama made headlines this week for his precedent-setting order that advanced hospital visitation rights for same-sex couples. According to new Department of Health and Human Services policy, which affects all hospitals that participate in Medicare or Medicaid, patients must be allowed to designate which people may visit them or be allowed to consult with them regarding medical decisions. Building off of several state efforts to pass laws protecting visitation rights for same sex-couples, the law will forbid any hospital policies that restrict visitors to the patient's immediate family, effectively barring same-sex couples from visiting each other in states that do not recognize gay marriages.

Many have hailed this as a great step for gay rights. While I wholeheartedly support the effort (sidebar: many American Apparel retail stores are currently giving away Legalize Gay shirts to some customers), I have to wonder about the implications of advancing this effort through legislative and policy reform, rather than concentrating on forcing the Court to make a landmark decision

In current jursiprudence, the Court must to a certain extent respect the decisions of the legislature: it cannot even consider invalidating a state law if said law is a rational means to a legitimate government end UNLESS the law concerns the treatment of "discrete and insular minorities." This precedent, stems from a completely random case, involving interstate shipping of filled milk. (Filled milk is the opposite of skimmed milk. Ew.) In a seemingly inconsequential footnote in that opinion, the Court wrote:

"Nor need we enquire whether similar considerations enter into the review of statutes directed at particular religious or national, or racial minorities; whether prejudice against discrete and insular minorities may be a special condition, which tends seriously to curtail the operation of those political processes ordinarily to be relied upon to protect minorities, and which may call for a correspondingly more searching judicial inquiry." Carolene Products, 304 U.S. at 152 n.4.

In the case of gay rights, this means that if the Court were to rule on a case involving discrimination against homosexuals, the Justices would first have to evaluate if gay-identified Americans did in fact constitute a discreet and insular minority. Based on past decisions, it is more than reasonable to assume that if the Court did apply a high level of scrutiny, then any laws discriminating against the group would be invalidated. The central question is thus the simple matter of whether or not the Court would classify homosexual people as a discrete and insular minority. The Court has yet to consider this poignant question, but as more cases hit the docket, it is sure to come up.

In the mean time, legislating protective reforms, however slight, does to a certain extent weaken the argument that the group deserves protection. The Court has generally read the Carolene Products footnote to apply to certain groups because they are unable to gain protection in the conventional political process.

Executive orders and national laws demonstrate that groups are able to mobilize the electorate. This could lead gay-rights opponents to argue that the groups do not suffer discrimination and that laws which seem to target them are passed in fact to fulfill other (often specious) secondary purposes. (One might contend that a law limiting hospital visits to immediate family has the purpose of limiting the spread of infection. The discrimination against same-sex couples is an inadvertent consequence of this action, and is not grounds for invalidating the law if the Court determines that homosexual people are not a group that merits protection.) Thus, gay rights would not fall under the Equal Protection clause.

There are pros and cons to both legislative and judicial reform. A ruling granting protected minority status to homosexuals would provide a way to shoot down any future discriminatory laws that are passed, but might be seen as judicial activism. Legislative reform must anticipate every single possible anti-gay law and prevent it. While this is slower and more difficult, it might be accepted more readily if the decision came form the representatives of the people. If legislative reform could hurt future judicial reform efforts, however, gay activists would consider their campaigning carefully.

Were I campaigning for gay rights, I would personally push the Court to make a ruling, to the extent that I did not spend resources advocating for legislative reform. History showed us that laws protecting black Americans in the wake of the Civil War were not enough--racists skillfully exploited the inevitable loopholes in these laws. It took landmark Court decisions to stop them, and it will take landmark court depictions to secure equality for gay men and women.

What do you think? Is it more effective to pursue massive social reform in the legislature or by suing and forcing judicial reevaluation?

please

2010-02-22T04:42:00.001-05:00

i don't know if i care if you do it

but i know that i care if i know about it

small favors, baby girl.

plausibledeniabilityifyoufallstumblingfromgrace

2010-02-14T02:44:00.003-05:00

that is so much more dangerous than you realize

(i have always wanted to protect you, even though you were always so much cooler than i ever will be.)

don't lose yourself in this fucked up place

The Soundtrack to Her Unreal Life

2010-01-31T03:21:00.001-05:00

When I was little and I was the weird girl hiding to read a book during recess, I always imagined that one day, the characters in my book would become alive and that I would get to meet them. They would, of course, be amazingly too-cool and we would be Best Friends. (Especially Matilda. She was a fellow nerd and also kind of a badass.)

Fast forward about a dozen years.

I meet a girl. At first, I write her off as too pretty. But she's brilliant. Crazy. She is too ridiculous to be real.

The only way I can think to describe her is that she is your favorite character from a book, come to life. She's more than kind of a badass.

Anyway, she shared this song with me. You should listen to it.

I asked my girlfriend if she’d seen you round before
She mumbled something while we got down on the floor baby

i have irises but i will always apologize

2010-01-24T03:28:00.001-05:00

i know there is no way I can convince you that this is not one of their tricks. but i don't care. i am me. my name is valerie. i don't think i'll live much longer and i wanted to tell someone about my life. this is the only autobiography i will ever write and god--i'm writing it on toilet paper.

i was born in nottingham in 1985. i don't remember much about those early years, but i do remember the rain. my grandmother owned a small farm in tuttlebrook and she used to tell me that god was in the rain.

i passed my eleven-plus and went to girl's grammar. it was at school that i met my first girl friend. her name was sarah. it was her wrists--they were beautiful. i thought we would love each other forever. our teacher told us it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. sarah did. i didn't.

in ~~2002~~ i fell in love with a girl named kristina. that year i came out to my parents. i couldn't have done it without kris holding my hand. my father wouldn't look at me. he told me to go and never come back. my mother said nothing. but i had only told them the truth. was that so selfish? our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. it is that very last inch of us--but within that inch we are free.

i'd always known what i wanted to do with my life and in 2015 i starred in my first film, the salt flats. it was the most important role of my life, not because of my career, but because it was how i met ruth. the first time we kissed, i knew i never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again.

we moved to a small flat in london together. she grew scarlet castles for me in our window-box and our place always smelled of roses. those were the best years of my life.

but america's war grew worse, and eventually came to london. after that there were no roses anymore. not for anyone

i remember how the meaning of words began to change. how unfamiliar words like collateral and rendition became frightening while things like norsefire and the articles of allegiance became powerful.

i remember how different became dangerous. i still don't understand it. why they hate us so much. they took ruth while she was out buying food. i'd never cried so hard in my life. it wasn't long before they came for me.

it seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place but for three years i had roses and apologized to no one.

i shall die here. every inch of me shall perish. every inch but one. it is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. we must never lose it or give it away. we must never let them take it from us.

i hope whoever you are that you escape this terrible place. i hope that the world turns and that things get better. but most of all i hope that you understand what i mean when i tell you that even though i do not know you, that i will never meet you, cry with you, laugh with you, or kiss you--i love you. with all my heart. i love you.

valerie.

/these are irises from women who would hate you for apologizing

I thought it was supposed to be dark fire

2010-01-24T03:21:00.002-05:00

The second one is, of course, blonde.

shit.

She blinded me with political science

2010-01-09T22:22:00.002-05:00

You know he hooks up with anything that moves, right?

Oh excuse me. He must have been broadsided by your raw sex appeal.

Obviously.

Keep your enemies closer

2009-12-18T02:39:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I could hurt you so much.

I'll never be exactly sure, much like how I will never understand you, but I do know exactly what to say. Maybe you'll brush it off.

Maybe it will haunt you twenty years later.

Maybe I completely mean to be a bitch.

Associate professors

2009-12-18T02:33:00.002-05:00

I have always wondered if she truly understands the situation. If she realizes what she has gotten herself into.

I have imagined her asking me for my opinion, and I have practiced wry, off-the cuff-style responses.

He's really more like a concept. A myth. Head tilt. A legend.

Truth be told I would probably freeze up, stammer. Change the subject.

Lie.

2009-11-28T22:38:00.004-05:00

how I know that is really not important at this time.

Confessions Part II

2009-11-28T21:16:00.005-05:00

Bless me, Father, for I confess to almighty God and to you Father that I have sinned. It has been fourteen years since my last confession. I did not receive absolution or perform my penance.

I have wasted talent.

I have squandered opportunity.

I am sorry for these, and all the sins of my past life, especially for sins against myself, and ask for absolution from almighty God and from you, Father, for my sins.

I will absolutely commit them again.

no lo eres

2009-11-28T20:57:00.003-05:00

lo siento. así es es. debía nunca metirte, pero estaba facil así.

y si, sé que puedes leer este.

no me importa.

2009-11-01T15:03:00.000-05:00

why does something that is so bad for you give you such a rush

lifehacking bodyhacking brainhacking

2009-10-26T03:03:00.001-04:00

I used to be happy

i do not think so

2009-10-18T18:41:00.005-04:00

do you realize
that we have inadvertently entered a terrible competition

(it is possible your behavior has nothing to do with me but i still apologize, albeit egomaniacally)

do you realize how bizarrely meaningful it is, this difference in the manifestation of our fading obsession?

there are possibilities
perhaps i am the obsessive, watching counting calculating business that is not my own

or you are woefully oblivious and ignoring what happens so often in front of your eyes

(haven't you wondered, calculated, ever? maybe you blamed good genes. maybe you just didn't care.)

do you realize that i you me we all of us are crazy

and that even if you do go to cambridge, you have to take your mind with you

I do not

2009-10-18T01:46:00.001-04:00

understand why you said you would leave it at that.

She cheated.

You caught her.

WHY DID YOU LET IT GO?

2009-10-17T01:17:00.002-04:00

you know what's annoying?

people who not only have Ph.Ds, but are also extremely hot.

you are too fucking much with the boots

i don't really

2009-10-16T00:03:00.005-04:00

care if you are a bitch or not a bitch or if you mean to be in either of those states

i do care that you stopped smiling

2009-10-06T12:49:00.002-04:00

this is why i never could have been a doctor. not just because of my terrible add
i will always see people as people

and right now they're really terrifying

2009-10-04T23:45:00.002-04:00

you are starting to scare me

2009-10-01T15:14:00.004-04:00

i fucking hate the remix. not only because it's called the fucking BLEND, bitches, but also because they insist on selling milkshakes.

ARE THEY UNAWARE OF WHAT A PROBLEM THIS IS? of where they are, of who they are selling these to, size24rockandrepublicsareyoufuckingseriouslookather

also they use unflavored soy milk, what the fuck.

2009-09-25T03:18:00.003-04:00

she let me break my own dreams

now i have to let you break yours

i always assumed she was just sadistic, but I realize now that it is far worse to be her

holden caulfield was a lunatic but he had a point

i have a better one

2009-08-31T01:03:00.002-04:00

Artists may use lies to tell the truth, but reporters use the truth to tell lies.

Let's all think about how poignant that would be in a non-emo context.

we are now passing alpha centuari

2009-08-31T00:31:00.002-04:00

"I've brought you a present, Kathryn."

She turned too quickly, uncharacteristically startled. It was her.

"You shouldn't have come." Kathryn didn't meet her eyes.

The other woman smiled. "I thought we agreed there would be no discussion."

Kathryn looked at her disdainfully. "That would have required discussion."

"You always broke your own rules." She reached for Kathryn's hair.

She jerked awake before she could cry out. Realized where she was, that she was still dressed.

She told herself, again, that dreams meant nothing

WANT

2009-07-17T20:34:00.003-04:00

SNAXI.

I don't really like Snickers, but now I totally want a Snaxi.

It could live in my driveway and we would call it Steve!

2009-07-06T19:39:00.002-04:00

HOW IS EVERYTHING SIMULTANEOUSLY ABOUT EATING FOOD AND ABOUT DELIBERATELY NOT EATING THAT FOOD?

I HATE PEOPLE.

but not enough to eat them.

ew.

Even I think this is a bit excessive:

2009-06-27T20:47:00.003-04:00

Aren't you legally insane after 72 hours anyway?

tears

2009-06-25T18:18:00.000-04:00

there is such a fine line between genius and insanity

headexplode

2009-06-21T14:00:00.002-04:00

The word is WEIRD.

W. E. I. R. D.

CAPICHE?

2009-06-03T03:05:00.003-04:00

come here let me break your dreams

it would have been better if you had broken them yourself instead of letting me do it, you know

which is, of course, why you let me do it

2009-05-31T18:31:00.004-04:00

OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD

I AM NOT BAD AT PONG

YOU CANNOT EXCUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT I BEAT SOMEONE AS "OH WELL HE/SHE WAS REALLY DRUNK" IF IT HAPPENS CONSISTENTLY

THIS IS SUCH A SMALL THING BUT IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY

I HATE YOU SOMETIMES

and no, I never actually mixed you up with her BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LOOK THE SAME.

AT ALL.

breaking a streak of consistent gravity

2009-05-31T18:28:00.002-04:00

planetary exit in progress

*lame joke about mass and gravitational pull*

once more into the breach

bouncy

2009-05-26T23:56:00.002-04:00

you tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef
that i'm a vegetarian and i ain't fucking scared of him

2009-05-20T11:06:00.002-04:00

he perdido mi mente.

necessita un cortado.

2009-05-17T02:13:00.001-04:00

Love Ally

Ally
ally v. to form or enter in to an alliance

fml

2009-05-12T00:15:00.001-04:00

People who don't want kids should not have them.

Stay tuned for our shocking expose on water being wet.

Mass Hysteria

2009-05-06T10:46:00.001-04:00

Michelle Obama wears a dress when visiting the UN that she has worn before EVERYBODY PANIC

SDL

2009-05-04T00:03:00.003-04:00

i am a sigma delta lady

and there is nothing you can fucking do about it

PSA

2009-05-01T10:34:00.002-04:00

Do not read Stuff White People Like on your iPhone during class

Note: if you are talking to a white person who is really into Bob Marley, has dreadlocks, and professes to be a Rastafarian, you should end the conversation immediately. These people are of no value unless you need directions to a WTO protest or have questions about how bad a human can smell.

You could snort really loudly and have everyone look at you.

FML

2009-05-01T01:22:00.002-04:00

Today I told J. L. that I had a really unlegit job with an important sounding title.

She said that "sounded important."

She is the only person in the entire world I have ever actually wanted to impress but that is so not impressive.

I wanted to smack her for not knowing the difference.

FML.

2009-04-28T02:02:00.001-04:00

if

it were not so easy, if the milkshake weren't so liquid, so dairy-based, so easy

if

they locked the bathroom in the basement

if

she did not mean to be a bitch

but mostly

if

i were not me

ifiwerethekindofpersonwhowasnormalinsteadofapersonwithablog

2009-04-24T02:56:00.004-04:00

you would want my favorite song

now i feel like it might have been different and it was my fault that it was not

if I were there when we first took the pill / then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe / miracles will happen as we speak / but we're never going to survive

/iwillneverunderstandyou

Epic fail

2009-04-24T02:12:00.002-04:00

yadda yadda yadda sincreatismo yadda...wait what the fuck is sincreatismo?

*Spanish to English dictionary*

sincreatismo masc. n.
syncretism

uhhhhhhhh

*English to English dictionary*

fail

Thought processs

2009-04-23T22:33:00.002-04:00

*Headphones fall out of bag*

*Headphones get replaced in jacket pocket*

Self, move those headphones into your bag. You will wear a different jacket tomorrow and you will be sad.

*Hours pass*

*It starts to rain*

*Different jacket is worn*

*Boredom/need for 80s music while reading*

Where the fuck are my headphones?

*Think*

GOD DAMN IT.

Arrrrrrrr

2009-04-17T23:40:00.001-04:00

if you only eat chocolate and french fries, you'll develop scurvy, right?

2009-04-10T20:34:00.003-04:00

Oh I know. I'll get sushi. That's healthy.

Ingredients: spicy mayonnaise, deep fried batter, avocado

and some fish

2009-03-25T02:58:00.002-04:00

In religion, folklore, and mythology a demon (or daemon, dæmon, daimon from Greek: δαίμων daimōn) is a supernatural being that is generally described as a malevolent spirit. In Christian terms demons are generally understood as fallen angels, formerly of God.

sometimes they are blonde.

Now that I've translated it I have to write about it FML

2009-03-14T18:12:00.003-04:00

Esto es la verdad. Y espero que estuviera en Barca ahora, con un copa de vino, en vez de en una aula en la biblioteca con una taza de café horible.

Sería mejor si pudiera escribirlo en italiano.

The Enigmas

2009-03-14T02:24:00.011-04:00

You have asked me what the crustaceans spin in their golden claws
and I reply: the sea knows.
You ask me, what does the sea squirt wait for in its transparent globe ? For what is it waiting?
I tell you that like you, it waits for the time.
You ask me, who does the giant kelp reach to embrace?
Inquire, ask me this again, at a certain hour, in a certain sea that I know.
You will undoubtedly ask me about the cursed ivory of the narwhale, and I will have to describe the manner in which the sea unicorn dies, harpooned and suffering.
Perhaps you will ask me about the untroubled feathers that tremble in the pure origins of the austral tide pools?
And about the jellyfish's crystalline construction--you are no doubt toying with this other problem, trying to unriddle it now?
Do you want to know the electric matter of the seafloor's spines?
The armed stalactite that cracks as it walks?
The lure of the anglerfish, its siren song drawn out in the depths like a thread in the water?

I want to tell you that the sea knows this
that life in its jewel boxes is wide as the sand
impossible to count and pure
and amid the fruits of bloodshed, time has polished smooth the pearl
filled the jellyfish with light
and untangled its bouquet of coral strands,
from a cornucopia of infinite iridescence.

I am nothing but the empty net that advances
human eyes, lifeless in this darkness
fingers accustomed to the triangle, the dimensions
of the orange's shy hemisphere

I lived like you, probing
the interminable star
and in my net during the night, I awoke, naked
the only thing caught, a fish trapped inside the wind

~Pablo Neruda

Traducido por una estudiante loca durante el infierno oscuro de sus examenes.

PSA

2009-03-12T23:29:00.000-04:00

facebook.com = socially acceptable stalking

facenook.com = HARD CORE PORN WITH SOUND

hi periodicals room! yes, that was my computer. i'll just quietly die now, thanks.

2009-03-12T23:25:00.001-04:00

i want to explain how she is crazy and because of that she is beautiful

I am laughing in the stacks

2009-03-08T19:27:00.001-04:00

Because of this:

You have to imagine them saying "as all hell" in a total hick accent.

she is your experimental game

2009-03-08T01:13:00.007-05:00

you still do not remember your dreams, except for her.

she is taller than you but she is pale, fragile. almost vulnerable.

it is possible that she is the angel who has smiled at you. but it is more likely that it is indeed your fault that

hellfire

is burning in your skin

{
que has pecado
en tus pensamientos
pero no en palabra y hecho
}

that the devil's servants are indeed the fallen nephil angels

and that in a perfect world you would not care

but in this one you cannot do or say anything lest you be wrong about her

2009-03-06T02:49:00.003-05:00

They cut out the part where I OD'd on 5 hour energy. Editors.

AA

2009-03-05T05:26:00.002-05:00

I sort of wish I was still in sixth grade, when Sophie decided she was dating Sean and they "went out" by talking on AIM and the rest of us were sort of jealous but also unanimously agreed that boys were gross.

Because it's a little more than ridiculous to be watching two of your friends playing pong and then realizing that yes, one day, they could get married and it would really not be a bad thing.

I do really wish that I could capture the way her eyes and her voice change when her phone rings and answers and it's him. I would say something about "lighting up" but that's stupid and overused and cheesy and it isn't that simple at all.

/It must be something real if cynical bitches like me take notice.

NERDAGE

2009-03-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

Happy Square Root Day!

2009-03-03T14:45:00.003-05:00

People irking me at the moment:

Rush Limbaugh
~~My current best friend~~

Yup.

2009-03-03T00:44:00.001-05:00

wierd

you're

clickly

Oh yes, I keep track.

2009-03-03T00:33:00.003-05:00

You stupid fucking whores. So the new president is a minority. Great. He's also pretty fucking kickass, but no. You, not I, care about his race. And now that this is on the table YOU ARE NOT EVEN THE SAME RACE AS HIM. So he's a "fellow minority." Oh that's a GREAAAAAAT line of thought. "Us" versus "them." That's worked so well in the past.

I realize that I cannot understand, nay, that I am not allowed to understand, but this is how you look to me.

I hate that you have sweatshirts. Can't we just all be people?

but then what would you bitch about

2009-03-02T17:00:00.001-05:00

My Spanish professor is the version of Paquita that has a Ph.D. from Columbia.

Yes, apparently that's possible.

Overheard

2009-03-02T14:47:00.001-05:00

"Stressing out is so unhealthy.. people need to get over being control freaks. NATURE CANNOT BE TAMED."

/cosign

fuck mcnutt

2009-03-01T23:42:00.001-05:00

is there a female here WITHOUT food issues?

no?

just checking.

Announcement

2009-02-26T01:53:00.002-05:00

"INTELLECTUAL REWARDS

The paper can be an extremely rewarding intellectual experience. You learn how to come up to speed on a complex subject quickly, conduct research in a real-time intelligence-style operational environment, adjudicate conflicting claims and theories, assess patterns of evidence, and render informed policy judgments and recommendations. All of these skills are very useful, and they are portable to other areas."

If you include this in the description of the horrific paper you have just assigned, it becomes legal for your students to kill you.

This is logic on my planet

2009-02-25T03:07:00.002-05:00

Oho. So I found out that you PREDICTED I would quit. Ohhhhh really. Guess what? YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME. FOREVER.

You are probably smarter and saner, but I am more stubborn.

It doesn't seem to have gotten away from you. Yet.

2009-02-23T06:00:00.010-05:00

You are everything I am not. You paint your nails. You own pearls. You wear argyle non-ironically.

You study.

But we both know (pepperidgefarmwhitesandwichbreadequals65times2equals130)plus(3ozbakedturkey
equals125)equals255

Please. Please be careful.

Lord knows I am not.

/thereisnoneedforcalculationwhenyoucanresetitbacktozero

I am never getting hired by anyone

2009-02-23T05:51:00.003-05:00

Still full of inside jokes, but hopefully sounds less like a 13-year-old girl's Xanga than this thing does.

How the fuck do I get into these situations?

2009-02-19T17:12:00.003-05:00

I really need to quit my stupid, unpaid job.

But I need to talk to someone about it first.

My friend, the person I would go to to talk to about something like this, is my boss at the job.

fmylife

2009-02-18T12:36:00.001-05:00

Dear the Women and Gender Studies Department,

I wrote that as a joke.

Please don't give me an A.

It hurts me.

Thanks for the GPA boost,
Me

Google StreetView

2009-02-12T04:01:00.002-05:00

just freaked me THE FUCK out.

Quería un bocadillo de tortilla de calabacín para llevar por favor.

2009-02-10T00:44:00.001-05:00

*snort*

2009-02-06T04:45:00.005-05:00

Imagine you own a theme park. It's a very successful (albeit a tad tacky) park. It happens to contain Superman: Ride of Steel, which is the greatest roller coaster IN THE HISTORY OF TIME, and has won the Golden Ticket Awards (the Oscars of the Amusement Park Industry) for the last three years running.

What do you do with your lovely award-winning much-adored coaster?

Apparently YOU FUCK WITH IT.

Superman is NOT PURPLE. New trains CHANGE THE RIDE. And if you enclose the lift hill and add *fire oooh shiny stuff* I will personally hate you for the rest of my life.
DO NOT FUCK WITH MY COASTER.

2009-02-06T00:35:00.000-05:00

Is this real life?

Mis mejores poemes

2009-02-04T02:24:00.005-05:00

My best poems
Were only read by one person
They are some silly cards
With much love inside
Spelling errors
And hints of longing

My best poems
Are not such, they are letters
That I write because this,
This I cannot speak
Because always he is far
Like everything good
Like everything that we value
Like god

Like the sea
I am from Casitilla and I have
A thistle for a soul
But I want to have an olive in my voice
I am from dry Castilla
I am Spanish earth
But I want to have my love in my love
It is almost funny to say this, LOVE, at this late time
LOVE in this era of companies and committees,
But I say LOVE LOVE I know what I say
—My best poems are letters that I have cried—
A poem is written
A letter is cried
A night can give birth
I have given birth and I have stolen things
—I have done a little of everything
But my best line…
Is a telegram

~Gloria Fuertes

2009-02-04T00:26:00.001-05:00

I have never understood why it makes them so angry that somewhere, two people might be happy.

NOTICE

2009-01-27T15:38:00.000-05:00

I have a huuuuuuuuuuuge girlcrush on my Spanish prof.

IF I start getting weird let me know.

2009-01-27T01:57:00.004-05:00

you know what's really fucking annoying?

getting a "hey, i just read your story and it was SIIIIIICK" email from your editor as you are in the middle of typing out your resignation.

/such a waste of a polite resignation letter

La reina

2009-01-20T14:43:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, Madonna makes me wish I'd been born earlier.

Ce n'est pas une sororité

2009-01-19T23:45:00.003-05:00

When I was rushing, I met eight thousand smart women pretending to be sorority Barbies, which, in my opinion, is worse than actually being the sorority Barbie. I also met this wack Australian girl.

That was a good thing.

>Date: 19 Jan 2009 22:04:02 -0500
>From: Awesome Australian Girl
>Subject: read if you can be bothered. otherwise ignore.
>To: sigmadelta@Mac

Ok, so I'm bored, and Jo just did this, and I thought it was a great idea. So I will ignore the fact that no body expressed any interest whatsoever in the little details of the land down under, and regale you with them anyway. If you actually have a life, unlike me, please feel free to ignore this and get on with it.

CURRENCY: dollars. Currently trading at about 66 US cents. This year's been crazy though - in June it got up to 98.5 cents and in late August it hit 45 cents. Notes (we don't call them bills) are also a lot more colourful than in America, and are made of plastic, so if you leave them in your boardshorts pocket and go swimming, you're golden. Also, we have $1 and $2 coins, and we got rid of 1c and 2c coins about a decade ago.

LANGUAGE: English. Like British English (same spellings and all that), but with a funny accent, and a few colourful phrases thrown in here and there.

GEOGRAPHY: Big (6th on the list). But, like Canada, also very sparsely populated -- 2.5 people per square kilometre (Canada has 3.2). Population: about 21.4 million, all of them around the coast. There is nothing (NOTHING) in the middle of the country. If you drive across from Sydney to Perth, you see signs that say "Last petrol for 400km". There are 6 states and 2 territories (NT and ACT). The capital is Canberra (pronounced cam-bra, not can-bear-ra) and the biggest city is Sydney. Perth, state capital of Western Australia, is one of the most isolated regional capitals in the world. That's where I'm from.

FLAG: see attached. The big star under the Union Jack has seven points to represent the 7 states and territories (they didn't include the Australian Capital Territory coz it's tiny, insignificant, and no one cares about Canberra anyway). The constellation on the right is the Southern Cross. It's also on the NZ flag, but their stars are red, with five points. Ours are white with 7 points.

FAMOUS PEOPLE (just some you might have heard of): Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban, Heath Ledger (he was from Perth. The whole city went into shock when he died), Russel Crowe, Geoffrey Rush, Hugh Jackman, Banjo Patterson (poet, author of The Man from Snowy River), Ernie Dingo, Ian Thorpe, Shane Warne, Luc Longley (basketballer), Germaine Greer (feminist), Barry Humphries (alias Dame Edna Everage), Pat Rafter and Lleyton Hewitt (tennis players), Fiona Stanley (doctor, just about invented modern treatment for burns victims), Toni Collette, Cate Blanchett. Aussie bands you might know: Jet, Savage Garden, Missy Higgins, Crowded House, John Butler Trio, Silverchair, Men at Work, Ben Lee, Xavier Rudd...)

GOVERNMENT: Queen Elizabeth II is officially our head of state. We have our own parliament and constitution (we're very advanced like that). The current governing party is the Labor Party (the only time "labour" is spelt without a "u" for some reason), which is centre-left. The other big parties are the Liberals and Nationals (they form a coalition most of the time). There's also the Greens, One-Nation (the far-right one) and some other little ones.

INDUSTRY: Service mainly, but Mining and Agriculture make up about 60% of exports. Mostly wheat and wool, and iron-ore, gold, natural gas and coal, with some other bits and pieces thrown in (opals, silver, tin, nickel, diamonds, a bit of oil).

NATIONAL SYMBOLS: koala, kangaroo, eucalyptus tree, Sydney Opera House: the usual. Australian Rules Football, Uluru, the green and gold.
The Australian Coat of Arms shows all the states' symbols in a crest held up by a kangaroo and an emu. These two animals were chosen because a) they're both tall and b) neither can walk backwards (and our national anthem is called "Advance Australia Fair").
Funnily enough, the koala is not featured on any Australian money: the echidna, lyre bird, platypus, kangaroo and emu are.

OTHER SOURCES OF NATIONAL PRIDE: the only extant monotremes (egg-laying mammals - platypus and echidna), and most of the world's marsupials. We generally rank in the top six medal takers at the Summer Olympics, despite having a markedly smaller population than all the others at the top of that list.
In 2008, four cities (Melbourne 2nd, Perth 4th, Adelaide7th and Sydney 9th) reached The Economist's top ten "world's most livable cities" list.
The fact that we have desert, rainforest, coral reefs and alpine regions. And some of the oldest rocks on the planet (no volcanic activity helps).
Also, we walk upside-down (obviously).
And our swans are all black.

MEASUREMENTS: metric. Did you know that the imperial system is now standardised on the metric system? So an inch, officially, is 2.54cm, a foot is 30.48cm, and a mile is 1609.344m. Go figure. Initially, the metric system was defined by the French, making the distance from pole to equator 10,000km, and dividing it up accordingly. Now, a metre is defined as the distance that light travels in free space in one 299,792,458th of a second. How about that.

HOLIDAYS: We celebrate Australia Day on the 26th of January, Boxing Day on 26th of December, and there is no Thanksgiving. Most of Australia celebrates the Queen's Birthday on the second Monday in June. In Western Australia, we have Foundation day on the 1st Monday in June, so we do our own Queen's Birthday, which is kinda like Easter, with no fixed date. It's usually the last Monday in September or the 1st in October, but the State Governor decides it each year. None of these days actually celebrate any real queen's birthday, and the name will change to the King's Birthday Holiday when Charlie (or William, if it comes to that) takes the throne.

Ummmm.... I think that's it. I have successfully not done any work for about an hour now. Excellent. Good night.

Más de profesoras

2009-01-13T00:23:00.004-05:00

My Spanish professor has the ability to pull off wearing cropped wool pants with boots. I am so impressed.

I mean she also has a Ph.D. from Columbia and is like, a big deal, but seriously: ROCKED the pants.

/ok, maybe I need MORE women and gender studies classes. Aaah!

i've decided not to make sense

2009-01-12T01:55:00.002-05:00

your girl was named christina.

mine is neither christina nor mine.

also, in 2002 i was thirteen, which is a bit much, i think

fuck you

2009-01-01T23:56:00.004-05:00

i prefer "entered this mortal coil with a differently-composited eating utensil in my masticatory orifice," thankyouverymuch.

Bristol, darling

2008-12-26T12:33:00.004-05:00

Where, pray tell, is your baby? Hmmm? Because not only would I would hate for these nasty rumors to follow you and your charming mother around, I can't wait to see what you name the little bundle of joy.

/How about "Kumquat"? Kumquat Palin-Johnston. I like it.

Updated with perspective

2008-12-10T08:24:00.001-05:00

I could be this guy.

or this guy.

Or a tragically emo blogger.

/oh shit

2008-12-10T04:44:00.003-05:00

you owe me twenty four dollars for those pills

did i do something to you

is that why you broke my dreams

2008-11-28T16:03:00.002-05:00

pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
won't you open up your eyes
pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
stop wearing your disguise

i know a girl next door
she wears all white
alone in her room she's afraid of light
a diary is her best friend
writing away all the things she's too shy to say
too shy to say

a cold day she walks alone
wishing she had someone's hand to hold
so warm
so warm

but she's too afraid to even raise her head
she'll think of all her emptiness instead
her emptiness instead

pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
won't you open up your eyes
pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
stop wearing your disguise

break your mirror the way it breaks your smile
hold your head up don't have to hide for a while
and you'll see (you'll see) how beautiful you can be

break your mirror the way it breaks your heart
step outdoors away from the dark
and you'll see (you'll see) how beautiful you can be

pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
won't you open up your eyes
pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
stop wearing your disguise

break your mirror the way it breaks your smile
hold your head up don't have to hide for a while
and you'll see (you'll see) how beautiful you can be

break your mirror the way it breaks your heart
step outdoors away from the dark
and you'll see how beautiful you can be

pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
wouldn't open up her eyes
pretty girl pretty girl pretty girl
forever a prisoner of her disguise

2008-11-25T04:49:00.002-05:00

no tienen un problema con desnudez porque en realidad, son desnudos por todos sus vidas. nunca los aprenden a esconder sus pensamientos. no hay mentiras piadosas en su cultura.

es tan interesante a verlos en nuestra mundo. en esta universidad que fue fundado por protestantes ingleses.

me pregunté que ezekiel wheelock pensaría si él viera dartmouth hall, su edificio original, con españolas, italianas, francesas.

probablemente él habría muerto cuando vio a la mayoría de nuestro alumnado.

2008-11-24T03:25:00.003-05:00

i ski at ninety-nine miles an hour and i drive like a maniac sixteen-year-old. i have three different kinds of water boards and an obsession with the perfect wave. i chase information, i write stories fifteen minutes before deadline and sprint across campus to turn in my thirty-second-late papers.

i never sleep.

i want boys i can't have, clothes i can't afford and i will fucking out-snipe you on eBay. i email nine people at once and i have five news tabs on auto-refresh--at least.

i am caffeine.

i chase roller coasters.

i talk too fast.

i want the rush. papersargumentsheightsspeeddepthfreefallcoffeedeadlinesoutofcontrolcrazyitisspinning
anditiswild.

i will count the stars.

I drank the Kool-Aid

2008-11-23T22:08:00.002-05:00

Yes. I inhaled. Frequently. That was the point.

you sort of doubt she grows roses

2008-11-23T03:57:00.007-05:00

you do not remember your dreams. other people describe fantastic scenarios with plots, details, semi-realistic situations. real-life characters.

you remember feelings. images. sounds.

but last night you remembered her.

like fire

hellfire

is turning me to sin

it's not my fault

mea maxima culpa

pat pat

2008-11-18T19:43:00.006-05:00

So The Blonde with Hot Librarian Glasses is my current roommate. (Yes, I realized it was stupid to name The Awesome Roommate as such because while she is still awesome, she is not still my roommate. I guess I could change her name to The Awesome Thursday Morning Breakfast Buddy. Let that be noted.)

Anyway, The Blonde is a highly HIGHLY intelligent person. She kicks my ass in math. She is also...from Texas. For the sake of preserving warm and fuzzy roommate feelings, we try not to discuss politics that much, but the past few months have forced us to break the rules.

Conversation that took place yesterday (please try to keep in mind the part where she is HIGHLY INTELLIGENT I SWEAR.)

"OHMYGOD I can't believe he's going to appoint Hillary Clinton as the Secretary of State!!"

"I mean...she's smart. And she's bitchy, which is kind of a pre-req. Oooooh did you buy CHEESE?"

"Yeah, I'm making melty cheesy dip."

"SWEET."

"But seriously, like, whatever...ow ow ow cheesy salty stuff in paper cut---if Hillary is secretary of state, we are going to get attacked SO FAST."

"I don't know...would YOU fuck with Hillary Clinton? Because I wouldn't."

"Neither would Bill. Heh. Anyway, she's a woman! Our key diplomacy is with ARABIC COUNTRIES. Are they going to even LISTEN to her? Plus, Clinton Clinton was a pussy--they'll remember that. Can I use some of your jalapenos?"

"SPICY CHEESY DIP! You can have a jalapeno if you answer one question: Who is our current secretary of state?"

"Ummm...."

"You totally know this."

"Oh shit."

"Yes..."

"It's Condelezza Rice."

"Who is..."

"A woman. Give me your stupid liberal jalapenos."

/she makes good food so I keep her around.

Le Sigh

2008-11-13T20:53:00.000-05:00

I really wish I hadn't taken a civil liberties class because I don't have an opinion on anything anymore but I'm still pretty sure this is fucked up.

As I'm way too cracked out right now to provide intelligent commentary, I will instead provide some entertaining Avenue Q lyrics:

"Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Who?

Jesus Christ.

But, Gary, Jesus was white.

No, Jesus was black.

No, Jesus was white.

No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Guys, guys...Jesus...was Jewish!"

HALP

2008-11-10T01:26:00.002-05:00

You know how something that's only semi-funny strikes you at a time when it is unbelievably inappropriate to laugh, like at a funeral or when you're in the course reserves, and thus becomes EXPONENTIALLY funnier?

Yeah.

/I'm really weirding out the person next to me tonight.

2008-11-09T17:09:00.000-05:00

Bloody Hell.

snort

2008-11-07T16:23:00.000-05:00

From Dartmouth 2013 Facebook group:

"Is Dartmouth generally more conservative than some of the other ivies?

Yes, in the same way that Liechtenstein is larger than Monaco and the Vatican. "

/yup

This is my only chance to be blinded by idealsim

2008-11-07T00:20:00.003-05:00

I forgot to acknowledge the 5th of November V for Vendetta style. (my transcript of Valerie's thoughts was early). Oh the nerd shame.

If I were a stupid idealistic college student drawing grandiose parallels, I might point out that the reason I forgot was because Barack Obama was giving his victory speech at midnight on what was, incidentally, the fifth day of November. And by 12:30 I was busy being part of a mob. A loud cheering screaming chanting trampling mob. Mobs can be difficult up here in the boonies, because there is really nowhere to go, but we managed, by descending on the president's house. Security was peeved, but he's pretty chill and acquiesced to the rather inexplicable demand that he make a speech. (He managed to satisfy the crowd without actually making a partisan statement. Brilliant. That's why he's the president of the College.) The Hanover police, who were thrilled to have something to do came and broke up the mob, which fragmented into a fraction that went to get drunk and faction that went to get cheese fries at food court.

It was great. (Really shit video) I didn't finish my Spanish homework, and I do not regret it, and when I'm forty, I will say I was an idiot.

However.

""We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten."

Especially if the media has crowned him king.

My name is caffeinegirl

2008-11-07T00:04:00.003-05:00

...and I'm a news addict.

Hi caffeinegirl!

There is no election news. There are no Biden gaffes. There is no Palin idiocy.

This is me:

Gobama

2008-11-06T22:49:00.005-05:00

This was posted as a scandalous item but I think it's fucking awesome. I would also like a sound byte of Obama saying "fucking" because I think that would be amusing, considering his demeanor.

* The debates unnerved both candidates. When he was preparing for them during the Democratic primaries, Obama was recorded saying, "I don't consider this to be a good format for me, which makes me more cautious. I often find myself trapped by the questions and thinking to myself, 'You know, this is a stupid question, but let me … answer it.' So when Brian Williams is asking me about what's a personal thing that you've done [that's green], and I say, you know, 'Well, I planted a bunch of trees.' And he says, 'I'm talking about personal.' What I'm thinking in my head is, 'Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I fucking changed light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective'." *

/almost as awesome as Scottish professors saying "bloody hell"