this is why i never could have been a doctor. not just because of my terrible add
i will always see people as people

and right now they're really terrifying

you are starting to scare me

i fucking hate the remix. not only because it's called the fucking BLEND, bitches, but also because they insist on selling milkshakes.

ARE THEY UNAWARE OF WHAT A PROBLEM THIS IS? of where they are, of who they are selling these to, size24rockandrepublicsareyoufuckingseriouslookather

also they use unflavored soy milk, what the fuck.

she let me break my own dreams

now i have to let you break yours

i always assumed she was just sadistic, but I realize now that it is far worse to be her

holden caulfield was a lunatic but he had a point

i have a better one

Artists may use lies to tell the truth, but reporters use the truth to tell lies.

Let's all think about how poignant that would be in a non-emo context.

we are now passing alpha centuari

"I've brought you a present, Kathryn."

She turned too quickly, uncharacteristically startled. It was her.

"You shouldn't have come." Kathryn didn't meet her eyes.

The other woman smiled. "I thought we agreed there would be no discussion."

Kathryn looked at her disdainfully. "That would have required discussion."

"You always broke your own rules." She reached for Kathryn's hair.

She jerked awake before she could cry out. Realized where she was, that she was still dressed.

She told herself, again, that dreams meant nothing

WANT

SNAXI.

I don't really like Snickers, but now I totally want a Snaxi.

It could live in my driveway and we would call it Steve!

HOW IS EVERYTHING SIMULTANEOUSLY ABOUT EATING FOOD AND ABOUT DELIBERATELY NOT EATING THAT FOOD?

I HATE PEOPLE.

but not enough to eat them.

ew.

Even I think this is a bit excessive:

Aren't you legally insane after 72 hours anyway?

tears

there is such a fine line between genius and insanity

*headexplode*

The word is WEIRD.

W. E. I. R. D.

CAPICHE?

come here let me break your dreams

it would have been better if you had broken them yourself instead of letting me do it, you know

which is, of course, why you let me do it

OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD

I AM NOT BAD AT PONG

YOU CANNOT EXCUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT I BEAT SOMEONE AS "OH WELL HE/SHE WAS REALLY DRUNK" IF IT HAPPENS CONSISTENTLY

THIS IS SUCH A SMALL THING BUT IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY

I HATE YOU SOMETIMES

and no, I never actually mixed you up with her BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LOOK THE SAME.

AT ALL.

breaking a streak of consistent gravity

planetary exit in progress

*lame joke about mass and gravitational pull*

once more into the breach

bouncy

you tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef
that i'm a vegetarian and i ain't fucking scared of him

he perdido mi mente.

necessita un cortado.

Love Ally

Ally
ally v. to form or enter in to an alliance

fml

People who don't want kids should not have them.





Stay tuned for our shocking expose on water being wet.

Mass Hysteria

Michelle Obama wears a dress when visiting the UN that she has worn before EVERYBODY PANIC

SDL

i am a sigma delta lady

and there is nothing you can fucking do about it