i have a better one

Artists may use lies to tell the truth, but reporters use the truth to tell lies.

Let's all think about how poignant that would be in a non-emo context.

we are now passing alpha centuari

"I've brought you a present, Kathryn."

She turned too quickly, uncharacteristically startled. It was her.

"You shouldn't have come." Kathryn didn't meet her eyes.

The other woman smiled. "I thought we agreed there would be no discussion."

Kathryn looked at her disdainfully. "That would have required discussion."

"You always broke your own rules." She reached for Kathryn's hair.

She jerked awake before she could cry out. Realized where she was, that she was still dressed.

She told herself, again, that dreams meant nothing

WANT

SNAXI.

I don't really like Snickers, but now I totally want a Snaxi.

It could live in my driveway and we would call it Steve!

HOW IS EVERYTHING SIMULTANEOUSLY ABOUT EATING FOOD AND ABOUT DELIBERATELY NOT EATING THAT FOOD?

I HATE PEOPLE.

but not enough to eat them.

ew.

Even I think this is a bit excessive:

Aren't you legally insane after 72 hours anyway?

tears

there is such a fine line between genius and insanity

*headexplode*

The word is WEIRD.

W. E. I. R. D.

CAPICHE?

come here let me break your dreams

it would have been better if you had broken them yourself instead of letting me do it, you know

which is, of course, why you let me do it

OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD

I AM NOT BAD AT PONG

YOU CANNOT EXCUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT I BEAT SOMEONE AS "OH WELL HE/SHE WAS REALLY DRUNK" IF IT HAPPENS CONSISTENTLY

THIS IS SUCH A SMALL THING BUT IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY

I HATE YOU SOMETIMES

and no, I never actually mixed you up with her BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LOOK THE SAME.

AT ALL.

breaking a streak of consistent gravity

planetary exit in progress

*lame joke about mass and gravitational pull*

once more into the breach

bouncy

you tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef
that i'm a vegetarian and i ain't fucking scared of him

he perdido mi mente.

necessita un cortado.

Love Ally

Ally
ally v. to form or enter in to an alliance

fml

People who don't want kids should not have them.





Stay tuned for our shocking expose on water being wet.

Mass Hysteria

Michelle Obama wears a dress when visiting the UN that she has worn before EVERYBODY PANIC

SDL

i am a sigma delta lady

and there is nothing you can fucking do about it

PSA

Do not read Stuff White People Like on your iPhone during class


Note: if you are talking to a white person who is really into Bob Marley, has dreadlocks, and professes to be a Rastafarian, you should end the conversation immediately. These people are of no value unless you need directions to a WTO protest or have questions about how bad a human can smell.

You could snort really loudly and have everyone look at you.

FML

Today I told J. L. that I had a really unlegit job with an important sounding title.

She said that "sounded important."

She is the only person in the entire world I have ever actually wanted to impress but that is so not impressive.

I wanted to smack her for not knowing the difference.

FML.

if

it were not so easy, if the milkshake weren't so liquid, so dairy-based, so easy

if

they locked the bathroom in the basement

if

she did not mean to be a bitch

but mostly

if

i were not me

ifiwerethekindofpersonwhowasnormalinsteadofapersonwithablog

you would want my favorite song

now i feel like it might have been different and it was my fault that it was not

if I were there when we first took the pill / then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe / miracles will happen as we speak / but we're never going to survive


/iwillneverunderstandyou