Lies I have told recently

MUST. KEEP. PEACE. WITH. EXTENDED. FAMILY.

It's not lying if you only leave out...details.

A sample: (Details are in italics)

I go to Young Republican meetings to steal their pizza--Young Democrats spent all their money on campaign signs.

The boys' rooms are VERY FAR from the girls' rooms--I'm lazy and three feet is far.

I have never been inside a fraternity when I was sober.

I have never tasted vodka because we mix it with Red Bull.

There's nowhere close by to buy alcohol anyway so we pay the seniors who have cars to do it for us.

Most people go to bed around midnight because they're so drunk they've passed out.

We do homework on Saturdays--because it was due on Friday and the professor is taking off points for each hour that it's late.

I'm thinking of joining a sorority because I've recently become a masochist.

I have never missed a class, in fact, I never miss them at all.

I've never met "one of those goddamned homosexuals," just the regular, non-goddamned kind, thanks.

The professors are conservative--JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH ACADEMIA??????

Yeah, I snapped on that one. Whoopsy.

I think I was already out of that will though, so it's all good.