You aren't Meredith and neither am I

You want to be Meredith? Of course. She's the TV heroine, pretty, cute boyfriend, but her life isn't perfect, too dark and twisty.

And you, you who suffered real and true challenge, of course you identify with Meredith. The character was designed for you to reach that conclusion and that's why the advertisers pay big bucks.

But listen. Any kind of cred you get for your life sucking? You probably have more than Meredith. You are the girls who had nothing and stared life in the face and fought and are on the way to end up with something.

Meredith is the girl who you should hate. Meredith never worried about money. Meredith is white, classically pretty, Ivy-League rich girl. Meredith has parents who gave her advantages.

And somehow, Meredith is the girl who started out with "everything" and has no right or claim to suffer...but somehow ended up with nothing.

I've seen real life Meredith.

Beautiful, skinny, lettuce for dinner, an hour at the gym for each leaf, a scar on her arm from a mirror she broke years ago.

Good grades, but grades that aren't for her and will never be good enough.

She'll do well. Med school. Like her mother.

Still not good enough.

A surgeon. The most noble of professions, she can pick up a scalpel and save a life. Who can argue with that?

Not good enough.

Hundred hour work weeks, blood on her hands, strangers she won't remember in her bed. She gets a fellowship. So what?

She'll marry. She'll be beautiful. Maybe he'll be McDreamy. Real-life Bradgelina.

Maybe they'll divorce. Maybe not. They'll have children, you're supposed to. Also beautiful. Also smart.

But she won't be there. Not because she's selfish. Not because she cares more about her career, but because she can't. How can you be a mother if secretly you are still the child, crying out for Mommy who never came home, told you that she loved you yes, but never told you that it was okay to not be perfect.

So the cycle begins anew and stupid procrastinating teenage bloggers can dryly remark on the irony of the situation, how people who spend their time saving lives destroy their own.

And they want to take real-life Meredith away, fix this girl whose parents broke her and make her cry. Merediths, as you may not know, don't cry.

It would mar their mascara.

Disclaimer: I haven't slept in 36 hours.
This doesn't make any sense.
I'm not talking to anyone specifically.
Meredith is a fictional character and despite her name, so is real life Meredith.
I have 700 pages of reading due in nine hours.