So I had an exam today

Which we aren't going to talk about, thank you VERY much.

But we are going to talk about what I have eaten today:

Uncrustable, grape and peanut butter, 1
Veggie sushi rolls, avacado, 8
Mini-Oreos, 4
Rice Krispie treat,
Odwalla Bar, 1
Lattes, 2
Cans Tab Energy, 1
Cans Red Bull, 4

So let's see if I can argue that this is a balanced diet. Ok.

Let's start with the Uncrustable. Hey, we have bread (type stuff) which is practically GRAINS. And grape jelly, which, if you subtract the sugar, is almost even a fruit! Plus peanut butter, which is, like protein. (Oh alright, and saturated fat. FINE.) Anyway, grains, fruit, and legumes!

Then we have the sushi, which is mostly rice, which like, 50% of the world SUSTAINS ITSELF ON! It's a staple! And some seaweed, which is kind of like a vegetable, PLUS the avacado, which is LEGITIMATELY a fruit. (Except it might be the kind of fruit that SOMEHOW, contains mono-saturated fat. ALWAYS WITH THE SATURATED FAT.) So, (more) grains, fruits, and veggies!

And onto the mini-Oreos. Ok. I am almost positive that somewhere, the cookie part contains flour. (It's a cookie, right? Which is a baked good. And baked goods contain flour! Which, I would like to remind you, is a GRAIN.) So, we have grains, and....the creme part. Screw it, I'm not even going to try. Grains and a delicious paste of sugar-lard. (And ok, I GUESS that means saturated fat. What is WITH you people? You're like, fixated.)

Which were followed closely by the Rice Krispie treat, and that has cereal, y'all people! And you know what that means?

Ow.

Don't hit me. Listen, GRAINS ARE IMPORTANT. They're at the bottom of the food pyramid, which means that you EAT A LOT OF THEM. And we are really just going to overlook the fact that said grains are being held together by a mixture of marshmallow goop and butter. (La la la! I can't HEAR you!!)

Ok, we're coming up to the Odwalla bar, and this, THIS is where I am going to win. Have you heard of Odwalla? Check it out, because that is some concentrated organic, all-natural granola-ness, people. I mean, I'll even show you the ingredients and nutrition facts! Organic rolled oats (I won't say it...grains!!!!) folic acid, Vitamin E, and...

That's it. I quit.

AND SATURATED FAT. (Peanuts. Forgot about the damn peanuts.) FINE! IT'S A NUTRITION BAR THAT HAPPENS TO CONTAIN LIPIDS. Which, BY THE WAY, are ESSENTIAL for normal cell function. ESSENTIAL.

And, wrapping it up, we have a latte, which has MILK, which is practically nectar from the freaking fountain of youth, containing not just protein BUT ALSO calcium, and some sugar, which is a carbohydrate, which happens to be what makes up gr---

I TOLD you not to hit me! And yes, the latte has caffeine, but we will be addressing that in the next section.

In which we discuss the energy drinks. I'm not even counting the Tab Energy, because it only lasts for like, five minutes. LAME! So that leaves us with the Red Bull, which, because it's diet, has nothing. Really. Not even grains! I swear.

Red Bull contains, in addition to all of the preservatives and scary things that I can't spell, B vitamins. And copious amounts of caffeine, coming in at 80mg a can. Times four. Which is not that much. Really. Ok, so it's enough to stun a horse, the stuff is terrible for me, and I will die.

But.

NO SATURATED FAT.

Ha.