Sunday, September 28, 2008

you liar.

Monday, September 15, 2008

I have so much to say that I can't write anything.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

you said, "but you're only seventeen."

i fought you.

know something?

you were right.

Allegedly we are all highly intelligent

We sat around brainstorming excuses. Not "the printer ate my homework and my hard drive crashed and I have mono"-level excuses. Real ones, that stop professors flat and leave them speechless, but in an extension-granting mood.

We settled on "I'm so sorry my paper is late, but my brother came out to my religious parents and I had to go home to do damage control."

This narrowly beat out "My sister had an abortion and there were complications."

Of course, we could have done our work instead.

He would have said hung

I am sitting here editing someone's article.

He should be hanged for war crimes against the English language.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Clearly, I am from the wrong planet

Possible reasons that my mother, who has a habit of disappearing to the deepest recesses of the house while boiling water for tea, freaks out if anyone shuts off the burner when the whistle goes off.


Screw it, I can't even come up with something mildly plausible, let alone amusing.

/"WAIT! I'LL GET IT!" Her voice echoes from the crawl space under the basement. The piercing whistle bores into my brain and I draw closer to the ever-approaching brink of INSANITY.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Applied logic

The mother has a desk in her study, which is covered with miscellaneous paper, and a desk in the kitchen, which is covered with cookbooks. Thus, she does her writing at the computer that is on the brother's desk. Since he tends to go to sleep and turn out the lights, she does most of her work in the dark.

The brother does his work at the kitchen table, because his desk is covered with the mother's manuscripts.

We eat sitting on stools at the kitchen counter, because the table is covered with the brother's homework, except for the sister, because her space at the counter is covered with her math homework. The sister carries a plate of food into the study, where her English homework is spread out on the floor, and sits next to the plate of food for about an hour. She then throws the food out in the downstairs bathroom, which does not contain anyone's homework.

The father has decided to do all of his work in his Manhattan office, and to eat all of his meals before he comes home.

If I had an office in the city, I WOULD BE THERE.