Thursday, November 30, 2006


I went to a protest/rally type thing today, which was actually on the national news. Because apparently the national news is way bored.

I set out for the rally with mixed feelings, because a lot of the "controversy" on this campus is self-manufactured and a great deal of us like to protest for the sake of protesting. I ultimately decided to go because hey, it was a protest and I'm a college student and that's What We Do. I planned that I would maintain a slightly reserved attitude of mild cynicism and above-it-all-ness.

Except then one of the speakers was Really, Truly, Indescribably Powerful, and she made me (and everyone else) cry.

And I'll be dammed but it's hard to be slightly reserved and above-it-all when you have mascera running down your face.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


So, you've picked up a drunken frat boy. Classy. I understand that now you would like to have sex with said charming gentlemen. Fabulous.

Here's a list of places where you have my permission to do so:

1. The middle of the green
2. The stacks in the library (happens more often than you'd think)
3. The dining hall
4. The roof
5. The basement
6. The laundry room
7. The woods
8. The lawn of the dean's house (bonus points)
9. Mars
10. The construction scaffolding
11. Suspended from said scaffolding by bungee cords (double points)
12. Underground
13. Underwater
14. In a tree
15. In a taxi
16. In a chartered jet
17. Your own freaking room

Here's a list of the places where I would really prefer you didn't:
1. The part of the hallway that is directly outside of my door

It's the small considerations, people, really.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

And there was karma.

So, remember how yesterday in my brief moment of good karma, I was trying to be all witty and cool and said hey, this is totally going to bite me in the ass later?


I hate being right.

Today I woke up in midair. Arguably, my horrific day did not start there. Being in midair, while disarming, is not necessarily unpleasent. It does, however, signal that you are going to get real up close and personal with the floor in about half a second and THERE started the day.

Yes, I fell out of bed. Yes, I landed on my face. Yes, the left side of my forehead swelled up so that it appeared that my brain was trying to escape.

Which might actually be true, but that's another post.

Anyway, I walked into Spanish class as my bruises began to turn a lovely shade of violet, prompting my professor's justified reaction of "What happened to you?" And really, people, it's humiliating enough to have to explain that you and your coordinated self fell out of bed, but it's even better when you get to do so in a language that you speak at a toddler-equivilant level.

Now, I'll spare y'all the exhaustive list of every time I tripped or otherwise injured myself, but I would like to point out the highlights, including how the pen I was chewing on in Econ exploded, AND how when I opened the door to my room, I squished NOT ONLY my feet, but also The Awesome Roommate's feet...AND how I had to face...


(That works better if you imagine lightning and cool sound effects. WORK WITH ME.)

I naievely purchased a bottle of flavored water and attempted to open it. I failed, but I have zero upper body strength. When I gave the bottle of water to The I-can-bench-press-triple-digit-numbers-Awesomely Roomate to open and SHE couldn't get it...I began to worry that the water was possessed. Then I tried to open it again and failed so spectacularly that I gave myself a blood blister.

I believe it was at that point that I attacked the water bottle with a pair of scissors.

It was shortly after that point that I learned that if a water bottle is that tightly vacuum-sealed, when you do get it open, it sprays you in the face.

I think I'm going to go lie down and cry.

This is the water after I killed the lid. The red is because it's a flavored knock off of Vitamin Water, not because it's bleeding.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Sometimes, life works out

I realize that NOT fucking things up hugely isn't a big deal for most people, but it's me, so we're going to talk about it.

Ok. As per last post, went out last night. Bad idea. Fuckers having Halloween on a Tuesday. Anyway, in fit of optimisim, set alarm for 6 A.M., with intention of waking up and doing work before class.

I'll pause so you can all catch your breath from laughing.

So. Slept through alarm. Slept through back-up alarm. Slept through The Awesome Roommate swearing her alarm clock re: softball practice at ungodly hour. Slept through emergency cell phone alarm.

Awakened, stretched luxuriously, realized it was EIGHT FIFTY SIX. Freaked the fuck out, got dressed at LUDICROUS SPEED, sprinted halfway across campus.

Obviously, I was late.


MY PROF WAS LATE. Do you REALIZE the freaking ODDS of that happening? I mean, factoring in that she's been on time 45 / 46 instances times the My Luck Sucks factor of 200000...well, I can't do math anymore but the odds? FREAKISH.

Then, just because the universe had already collapsed, remember that work that I was supposed to wake up and finish? Duh, didn't.



Obviously, I'm going to die in a freak swiss-cheese related accident later today, because this is just too much karma.

To The People In Charge of The Universe

How the hell are you supposed to go out and work it if you have CLASS THE NEXT MORNING?


Halloween should be on a FRIDAY. And just change, like Thanksgiving. There would be RIOTS if people had to cook turkeys on Mondays or something because of a calendar deal.

But I was so totally a pirate. Mwah.