DUDE

I just heard some suspicious giggling and a *thump* outside my door, followed by the sound of someone making a break for it.

When I opened the door, I found a PRESENT! From my big sister! (Cheesy sorority big sis/little sis thing.)

Anyway it was cheetos, chocolate, and RUM.

itbifuckinglovethesegirls

So i cut and pasted this from an email

to Leina. Ergo: the first comment will be Leina, because Leina is ALWAYS THE FIRST COMMENT, and it will be something along the lines of "hey, this is what you emailed to me!"

I am psychic.

Anyway. On the topic of sorority hazing.

See there's no "hazing" because we all signed a pledge card that said we are doing everything "voluntarily."

stuff I have done "voluntarily"

1. Been kidnapped, dressed as a unicorn, driven to the godforsaken middle of nowhere while listening to german techno dubbed over an audiobook of The Picture of Dorian Gray, and made to play blindfolded leapfrog while tied in a garbage bag

2. Drank (non-alcoholic beverages only, OF COURSE) out of a ten year old boot that has never been washed and has previously undiscovered life forms growing in the inside.

3. I am currently wearing a wrist band that says ΣΔ and I am never allowed to take it off until I die, or risk more shoebeers I MEAN NONALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES. In shoes.

4. Jello-wrestled unattractive frat boys

5. Boatraced more times than I care to admit

6. Went to bail the ΣΔ alumni out of jail when they got arrested over homecoming...stupid alums.

7. Been thrown out of a volleyball game thanks to The Girl Who Feels That Flashing The Whole Campus Is a Public Service's tendency to A) Live up to her name, and B) thinks it's funny to encourage the pledges to explore the numerous ways in which rival school's names can be creatively related to various parts of the male anatomy.

8. I'm also currently carrying a hip pack with ducks on it that I am also never allowed to take off until I die, and I must have a full supply of chocolate and fruit snacks inside in case any sisters see me and want some.

9. Got sent to food court at 12:58a.m. (they close at 1) to get mozz sticks for The Girl Who Feels That Flashing The Whole Campus Is a Public Service OR ELSE.

10. CLEANED. THE BASEMENT. You don't want to know.

You know, this should be a blog post.

And then it was.

Clarifications

and promises that I will break.

1. I did break my foot, but not very badly. It's more chipped than broken. I was on crutches and am still supposed to be on them but they were driving me fucking crazy, so I'm not.
I will write a post about this...um....later. I swear.

2. I am not in a frat. I'm in a very loud, ragey, all-female sorority. Which is awesome. And one day, perhaps after I die from biology, I will write about that.

3. I am going to strangle my *class redacted* professor. She's actually very good and even gives organized lecture notes and designs tests so that your grade is actually somewhat correlated to effort spent studying, but she keeps saying Hi-RO-shima. I would be less annoyed if I didn't know that she spoke Japanese.

Ohmygod she just SAID IT again. Hi-ro-SHI-ma or I kill this bunny.

Fun Fact

The less I update, the more traffic increases.

I suspect that this trend will eventually peak and reverse itself, but that doesn't mean you get a post or anything.

Unless you'd like to hear about K+/Na+ p-type ATPase pumps and their frustrating reliance on FUCKING POLAR MOLECULES. Anyone? No?

//brain. go. fwomp.

Unexpected seriousness

I don't know what to say.

On the subject of the last post

Well, I avoided joining a sorority.

Unfortunately, I seem to have accidentally pledged a frat.

/itbifthebeerdoesntlandonthepledgesyouredoingitwrong

Advice

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.

Don't rush a sorority.



Any questions?

if i type them out will they go away?

why do you bitch and whine and moan about the women? was it really that much better back in the day? you don't seem to mind the women when you beg and plead and coerce them into your frat basement, grope anything that moves, call them lesbian bitches if they push you away, or trash their reputations later if they don't. why is it you are calling for the removal of the women when the women should have left on their own long ago?

why did you teach them to pull my hair and laugh and know my name, let babies be born whose only destiny is to die, pretend to give us twice the joy when you were just setting us up for twice the pain? are you punishing someone? or are you just a bastard?

why did you build such a beautiful campus if you intended for us to be locked in the stacks for the rest of our lives? why do i even bother to tell the prospies about extracurricular activities? who invented a gpa?

why endow us with sense, reason, and intellect if there is such overwhelming evidence that you intended us to forgo their use?

why am I writing this instead of studying?

why do you play with dice?

why are there no capital letters in this?

why not?

Signs you may be pre-med

1. You fall asleep on top of your physics book in the library. So you decide to go home.

2. You exit the library, thinking "Destination: home." Five minutes on auto-pilot later, you find yourself...at the door of the science cluster.

3. You didn't really go that far off course, because your dorm is next door. You selected it because it's the closest residential building to the science center.

*sigh*

Yes, I broke my foot. No, I don't have time to tell the story right now. Yes, it involves me being an idiot.

/*crunch* is never a good sound

I come from a long line of English majors

...one that I will NOT be continuing, but one that does impart me with a genetic TWITCH every time I hear BAD GRAMMAR.

Needless to say, this song is causing me to have a minor seizure.

I should probably be be more offended by the blatantly sexist and objectifying themes of the song, but honestly, if it was "From where, pray tell, did you get your body?" I would be content.

Whew

False alarm, not my parents. *exhales*

Also, people on Facebook--is my pic too emo? Discuss.