HOW IS EVERYTHING SIMULTANEOUSLY ABOUT EATING FOOD AND ABOUT DELIBERATELY NOT EATING THAT FOOD?

I HATE PEOPLE.

but not enough to eat them.

ew.

Even I think this is a bit excessive:

Aren't you legally insane after 72 hours anyway?

tears

there is such a fine line between genius and insanity

*headexplode*

The word is WEIRD.

W. E. I. R. D.

CAPICHE?

come here let me break your dreams

it would have been better if you had broken them yourself instead of letting me do it, you know

which is, of course, why you let me do it

OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD

I AM NOT BAD AT PONG

YOU CANNOT EXCUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT I BEAT SOMEONE AS "OH WELL HE/SHE WAS REALLY DRUNK" IF IT HAPPENS CONSISTENTLY

THIS IS SUCH A SMALL THING BUT IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY

I HATE YOU SOMETIMES

and no, I never actually mixed you up with her BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LOOK THE SAME.

AT ALL.

breaking a streak of consistent gravity

planetary exit in progress

*lame joke about mass and gravitational pull*

once more into the breach

bouncy

you tell your boyfriend if he says he's got beef
that i'm a vegetarian and i ain't fucking scared of him

he perdido mi mente.

necessita un cortado.

Love Ally

Ally
ally v. to form or enter in to an alliance

fml

People who don't want kids should not have them.





Stay tuned for our shocking expose on water being wet.

Mass Hysteria

Michelle Obama wears a dress when visiting the UN that she has worn before EVERYBODY PANIC

SDL

i am a sigma delta lady

and there is nothing you can fucking do about it

PSA

Do not read Stuff White People Like on your iPhone during class


Note: if you are talking to a white person who is really into Bob Marley, has dreadlocks, and professes to be a Rastafarian, you should end the conversation immediately. These people are of no value unless you need directions to a WTO protest or have questions about how bad a human can smell.

You could snort really loudly and have everyone look at you.

FML

Today I told J. L. that I had a really unlegit job with an important sounding title.

She said that "sounded important."

She is the only person in the entire world I have ever actually wanted to impress but that is so not impressive.

I wanted to smack her for not knowing the difference.

FML.

if

it were not so easy, if the milkshake weren't so liquid, so dairy-based, so easy

if

they locked the bathroom in the basement

if

she did not mean to be a bitch

but mostly

if

i were not me

ifiwerethekindofpersonwhowasnormalinsteadofapersonwithablog

you would want my favorite song

now i feel like it might have been different and it was my fault that it was not

if I were there when we first took the pill / then maybe, then maybe, then maybe, then maybe / miracles will happen as we speak / but we're never going to survive


/iwillneverunderstandyou

Epic fail

yadda yadda yadda sincreatismo yadda...wait what the fuck is sincreatismo?

*Spanish to English dictionary*

sincreatismo masc. n.
syncretism

uhhhhhhhh

*English to English dictionary*

fail

Thought processs

*Headphones fall out of bag*

*Headphones get replaced in jacket pocket*

Self, move those headphones into your bag. You will wear a different jacket tomorrow and you will be sad.

*Hours pass*

*It starts to rain*

*Different jacket is worn*

*Boredom/need for 80s music while reading*

Where the fuck are my headphones?

*Think*

GOD DAMN IT.

Arrrrrrrr

if you only eat chocolate and french fries, you'll develop scurvy, right?

Oh I know. I'll get sushi. That's healthy.

Ingredients: spicy mayonnaise, deep fried batter, avocado

and some fish

In religion, folklore, and mythology a demon (or daemon, dæmon, daimon from Greek: δαίμων daimōn) is a supernatural being that is generally described as a malevolent spirit. In Christian terms demons are generally understood as fallen angels, formerly of God.

sometimes they are blonde.

Now that I've translated it I have to write about it FML

Esto es la verdad. Y espero que estuviera en Barca ahora, con un copa de vino, en vez de en una aula en la biblioteca con una taza de café horible.

Sería mejor si pudiera escribirlo en italiano.

The Enigmas

You have asked me what the crustaceans spin in their golden claws
and I reply: the sea knows.
You ask me, what does the sea squirt wait for in its transparent globe ? For what is it waiting?
I tell you that like you, it waits for the time.
You ask me, who does the giant kelp reach to embrace?
Inquire, ask this at a certain hour, in a certain sea that I know.
Without a doubt you will ask me about the cursed ivory of the narwhale, so that I will tell you the manner in which the sea unicorn dies, harpooned and suffering.
Perhaps you will ask me about the untroubled feathers that tremble in the pure origins of the austral tide pools?
And about the jellyfish's crystalline construction, you are no doubt toying with this other problem, trying to unriddle it now?
Do you want to know the electric matter of the seafloor's spines?
The armed stalactite that cracks as it walks?
The lure of the anglerfish, its music drawn out in the depths like a thread in the water?

I want to tell you that the sea knows this
that life in its jewel boxes is wide as the sand
impossible to count and pure
and amid the fruits of bloodshed, time has polished the hardness of a pearl
filled the jellyfish with light
and untangled its bouquet of coral strands,
from a cornucopia of infinite mother-of-pearl

I am nothing but the empty net that advances
human eyes, lifeless in this darkness
fingers accustomed to the triangle, the dimensions
of the orange's shy hemisphere

I lived like you, probing
the interminable star
and in my net during the night, I awoke, naked
the only thing caught, a fish trapped in the wind

~Pablo Neruda

Traducido por una estudiante loca durante el infierno oscuro de sus examenes.

PSA

facebook.com = socially acceptable stalking

facenook.com = HARD CORE PORN WITH SOUND

hi periodicals room! yes, that was my computer. i'll just quietly die now, thanks.

i want to explain how she is crazy and because of that she is beautiful

I am laughing in the stacks

Because of this:

You have to imagine them saying "as all hell" in a total hick accent.

she is your experimental game

you still do not remember your dreams, except for her.

she is taller than you but she is pale, fragile. almost vulnerable.

it is possible that she is the angel who has smiled at you. but it is more likely that it is indeed your fault that

hellfire

is burning in your skin

{
que has pecado
en tus pensamientos
pero no en palabra y hecho
}

that the devil's servants are indeed the fallen nephil angels

and that in a perfect world you would not care

but in this one you cannot do or say anything lest you be wrong about her

They cut out the part where I OD'd on 5 hour energy. Editors.

AA

I sort of wish I was still in sixth grade, when Sophie decided she was dating Sean and they "went out" by talking on AIM and the rest of us were sort of jealous but also unanimously agreed that boys were gross.

Because it's a little more than ridiculous to be watching two of your friends playing pong and then realizing that yes, one day, they could get married and it would really not be a bad thing.

I do really wish that I could capture the way her eyes and her voice change when her phone rings and answers and it's him. I would say something about "lighting up" but that's stupid and overused and cheesy and it isn't that simple at all.

/It must be something real if cynical bitches like me take notice.

NERDAGE

Happy Square Root Day!

People irking me at the moment:

Rush Limbaugh
My current best friend

Yup.

wierd

you're

clickly

Oh yes, I keep track.

You stupid fucking whores. So the new president is a minority. Great. He's also pretty fucking kickass, but no. You, not I, care about his race. And now that this is on the table YOU ARE NOT EVEN THE SAME RACE AS HIM. So he's a "fellow minority." Oh that's a GREAAAAAAT line of thought. "Us" versus "them." That's worked so well in the past.

I realize that I cannot understand, nay, that I am not allowed to understand, but this is how you look to me.

I hate that you have sweatshirts. Can't we just all be people?

but then what would you bitch about

My Spanish professor is the version of Paquita that has a Ph.D. from Columbia.

Yes, apparently that's possible.

Overheard

"Stressing out is so unhealthy.. people need to get over being control freaks. NATURE CANNOT BE TAMED."

/cosign

fuck mcnutt

is there a female here WITHOUT food issues?

no?

just checking.

Announcement

"INTELLECTUAL REWARDS

The paper can be an extremely rewarding intellectual experience. You learn how to come up to speed on a complex subject quickly, conduct research in a real-time intelligence-style operational environment, adjudicate conflicting claims and theories, assess patterns of evidence, and render informed policy judgments and recommendations. All of these skills are very useful, and they are portable to other areas."

If you include this in the description of the horrific paper you have just assigned, it becomes legal for your students to kill you.

This is logic on my planet

Oho. So I found out that you PREDICTED I would quit. Ohhhhh really. Guess what? YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME. FOREVER.

You are probably smarter and saner, but I am more stubborn.

It doesn't seem to have gotten away from you. Yet.

You are everything I am not. You paint your nails. You own pearls. You wear argyle non-ironically.

You study.

But we both know (pepperidgefarmwhitesandwichbreadequals65times2equals130)plus(3ozbakedturkey
equals125)equals255

Please. Please be careful.

Lord knows I am not.

/thereisnoneedforcalculationwhenyoucanresetitbacktozero

I am never getting hired by anyone

Still full of inside jokes, but hopefully sounds less like a 13-year-old girl's Xanga than this thing does.