Monday, April 02, 2007

I really truly hate people

So it was The Sexy Redhead's birthday, which means that I was societally obligated to make brownies. Which is not an activity I really mind, honestly. It's very relaxing, actually, because it's just mindlessly following a recipe. Plus, I have very high standards of quality, so I personally taste-test the batter at every stage. The sacrifices I make for my baking.

Now, somewhat counter-intuitively, the most important piece of equipment for making the brownies is a freezer. (I'd tell you more, but it's a closely guarded secret. The mother has probably telepathically sensed me typing and is ordering an air assault at THIS VERY MOMENT) Basically, what you need to know is that at one point, there is a bowl of batter in the freezer. It remains in the freezer for....shall we say an unspecified, yet somewhat lengthy period of time

Let's recall that I live in a dorm. As the freezer compartment in our mini-fridge is the exact right size for a bag of Starbucks coffee, I put the batter in the freezer in the communal kitchen. I covered the bowl with a dish towel, secured the towel with a giant rubber band, and set an alarm to make sure I would wake up (a certain number of unspecified hours later) to take it out.

BUT.

At some point in that period of undesignated length, SOMEBODY ATE IT.

Practically half of it.

AND THEY LEFT THE DAMN SPOON THEY USED IN THE BOWL.

And I, in my usual dignified fashion, dealt with this by screaming "FUCK!" rather loudly, and leaving a bitchy note on the fridge.

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Transcribed due to my flawless penmanship:

To the person or persons who ATE MY BROWNIE BATTER:

If you begin showing signs of salmonella poisoning, it's because you ATE RAW EGGS! Lesson: do not eat stuff that's not yours BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS! What if that were some really gross science experiment, hmmm? Did you think of that? No, because you were too busy EATING practically half the batter! Now I have to make more! I really kind of hate you.

~Signed,
The maker of the batter who, by the way, knows karate


(Yes, I made more. Yes, they were unquantifiably delicious. DUH.)

4 comments:

leina said...

uuuuuuuugh...I miss your brownies! and your handwriting is extremely nice on the note..I could read it! I hate people who eat your crap! I hate people who eat your weird Asian crap because 1. it's expensive and 2. it's asian so how do they know what the fuck they're eating? it could be dog intestines or something because we're asian and we eat things like that.

Sayuri said...

yea! i could read it too, which must mean it's pretty good. so did anyone ever fess up or comment on the note at all?

and POOR DOG!

leina said...

but I mean, people do eat dogs. it happens!! there are a ton of asians to feed!

Sadie said...

oh yay! i miss the handwriting!


fuck. i want brownies.