Saturday, July 07, 2007

Window screen: 839, Me: 0

In theory:

Catch fly with time-tested cup/slide a piece of paper under the cup method. Open window screen, release fly. Return to studying.

In practice:

Spend twenty minutes waiting for the fucking fly to JUST LAND ALREADY. Fly lands. Sneeze, spurring fly to buzz off again. Amputate nose.

Fail multiple times at dropping cup on fly. Realize that shadow is a giveaway, approach from other direction. Snag fly, engage in justified fist-pump.

Realize that you lack a suitable piece of paper to slide under. Take eyes off of cup for 1.5 seconds to get paper from printer.

Carry cup to unopened window. Open with shoulder, hit funny bone. Swear. Attempt to force screen up, curse chemistry test for inducing massive lack of nails. Bleed on screen.

Release the fly. Fly? Hello? Examine cup to see if fly has taken up fly.

Discover fly on ceiling pointing and laughing. Consider swatting the little fucker right there.

Repeat ENTIRE AGONIZING FLY CATCHING PROCESS, but for variety, replace the ill-timed sneeze with an unfortunately ringing cell phone.

Successfully release fly. Let two enormous moths into room for a net gain of one bug.

Counsel moths, point out that love affair with giant lamp is ill-advised.

Give up, waste time writing blog post.

And that's why I'm going to fail my Orgo test! WHY CAN'T I JUST KILL A BUG? Seriously. I can't. Surprisingly, it's for once not due to my massive klutziness--fly swatters fall ino the "tennis racket" category. I just...don't actually swat. And every time, I stand there and think "You've killed mice and rats, why can't you do this?" But when you decapitate the baby rat, it's For Science, and enters the part of your brain that exists blissfully unaware, and you very carefully don't let yourself think about it. Swatting bugs---I don't know. No laboratory, no swat.

Except for mosquitos. Seriously, you come in to suck my blood, all bets are off.


Leina said...

use a shoe- it's a lot easier. just don't forget to kind of smear it because just smacking the bug won't actually kill it. but seriously, flies are EVIL!! they spread diseases! we had a fly infestation in our house once- SO BAD! but we trained max to kill them! or he trained himself...whatever. JUST KILL THE DAMN FLY!

Leina said...

and i'm not really sure the cup-paper method is really for catching's usually used it for grasshoppers, crickets, lady bugs, rolly bugs, moths, etc. they're a lots slower.

Steph said...

squished fly guts are gross.

Leina said...

but then you clean it up with a tissue

Steph said...

nooooo. remember prom night at alison's?? i can kill them but i have trouble cleaning them up. blech.

Leina said...

true..but that was HUGE! i thought it was a crab! flies tend to be kind of small, and therefore easy to clean up!

Sayuri said...

but flies can be pretty big too! although not nearly as big as that creepy crab-sized spider thing we saw at alison's...

Anonymous said...

you've killed mice and rats?