Thursday, October 12, 2006

Types of drunks

Some people CANNOT HANDLE ALCOHOL. (I realize this is a revolutionary discovery. I'll wait as you alert the media.)

I suppose I could stretch just a TEENSY bit farther in my reasoning here and say that different people handle alcohol in different ways. Yes, I sound like AlcoholEdu. Relax. So. I've encountered the following personalities:

1. Sleepyhead--Takes it to heart that alcohol is a depressant. Becomes lethargic, boring, and usually heads back to the dorm to take a nap. This is me, by the way. Hold the beer, hand me a Red Bull, and we'll carry on.

2. Persons of extremely advantageous ancestry--Ask them how much they've had. They'll get it wrong, not because they're too trashed to remember. It's becasue they can't count that high.

3. Persons of extremely disadvantageous ancestry--Half a Keystone light and HEY LOOK AT THE PRETTY COLORS I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!

4. I love you, man---Some of us have apparently confused our beer with our Ecstacy. A rather interesting character, especially if you can videotape his more revealing confessions.

5. Obedient--Completely trashed, but will follow you like a puppy dog. Amusing, easy to lead away from frat.

and my unfavorite:

6. HEY LOOK I'M SO DRUNK. OH MY GOD. I AM SO WASTED. I HAD LIKE SEVEN MUDSLIDES. LOOK AT ME. I'M SOOOOOOO TRASHED. I'M LIKE, TOTALLY GOING TO PUKE. NO, WAIT, I'M FINE. REALLY. I'M SO FINE. WATCH. I CAN DANCE! YEEEEAAAH! HEY GUUUUUUYS! WATCH ME. I'M DANCING! IT'S FUNNY! I'M DRUNK. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? NOOOOOO! DON'T CALL (name of campus law enforcement.) I'M SO FINE. I CAN TOTALLY HANDLE IT. OH WOW I JUST FELL DOWN. HEY, NOW I'M PUKING ON YOUR SHOES. HAHA THAT'S SO FUNNY. YEAH! LOOK AT ME BE DRUNK!

*pulls hair out*

Ok, I have a test in 5 hours. i should probably get around to...studying or something. Yeah.

3 comments:

Leina said...

you forgot ARF- Asian Red Face, because that's what I am. One SIP of beer and I'm red. But it was also really hot in the room so it's not completely my fault!

Sayuri said...

ooomg and then there are the people who start talking philosophically.....yeah.

Sadie said...

Um you forgot me, the giggly one.
As a side note, vodka clears your sinuses so you can sing well and makes you forget your inhibitions so you can act well.

*has broken into theatres while drunk*