Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Protocol

How to go dancing at a frat:

If at some point during the night, you have accumulated a posse of gay boys, go to Step 1. If not, go to Step 6.

1. Dance with gay boys.

2. Get out-danced.

3. Successfully avoid sketchy, lurking straight boys by looking "taken".

4. Chastise your posse for dancing on the stripper poles because it's destroying your ruse.

5. Repeat as desired.

6. Accumulate at least two other females.

7. Venture on to dance floor.

8. Step in spilled beer. Make note that these have become your new "frat shoes."

9. Begin dancing.

10. Allow 0.00000000001 seconds to elapse.

11. Discover random guy attached to your ass.

12. Engage in complicated non-verbal communication with friend.

13. If necessary, maneuver so that friend is between you and random guy. Drift slightly to left. Make escape to perimeter. Repeat.

14. If friend assesses guy as hot, continue dancing.

15. Subtly push guy's hands down from breasts.

16. Slightly less subtly, remove guy's hands from crotch.

17. Repeat. If repeated more than three times, he's too drunk. See step 13 for escape details.

18. You may engage in conversation with random guy at some point, but this is optional.

19. Make final escape with other females.

20. Order pizza, bitch about current state of gender relations on campus. Blame the frat system.

2 comments:

Leina said...

the frat guys at your school are MUCH more touchy-feely than the ones at mine...probably because my school is far too small for that (yay~! i think...)

Sayuri said...

wow...SO SKETCHY! i can't tell if i'm missing out by missing this unique college experience, or if i'm glad that i don't have to deal with these super sketchy guys... O_o