Tuesday, December 25, 2007

We fish you a hairy chrismoose

In high school, when I was busy geeking out on the debate team, I was taught that to win in extemporaneous debate, one must show that the other team's position will lead to unbelievably horrific consequences. We were given a list of such unpleasant scenarios, in descending order:

1. Dead American babies.
2. Dead Americans.
3. Dead foreign babies.
4. Dead foreign adults.
5. Severely injured American babies, severely injured Americans, etc., all the way down to "mildly perturbed foreign adults."

There is an obvious point for argument on that list and it is over the placements of #2 and #3. I have, and still could, on cue, go for hours upon hours on how the two should so obviously be switched, but, as I learned, my opposition can also argue for just as many hours.

From those interminable arguments, gov classes, and conversations I've had in study lounges when I felt like being pretentious instead of actually studying, I have drawn one conclusion: conservatives place dead Americans above dead foreign babies, and liberals go for the reverse.

Who's right and why, I haven't the slightest idea. I just thought I'd share, because, obviously, this is so topical right now.

/Merry freaking Christmas
//I only have five hours left to finalize my plot for stealing the brother's Wii

2 comments:

Leina said...

that's really weird bc i was thinking about that list thing the other day...ESPN??

Merry Christmas!

Abby said...

dude, i think mike and i had that exact argument. like, daily. occasionally at the tops of our lungs in the middle of the intersection.