Thursday, September 27, 2007

Because that makes SENSE

Let's imagine you're a parent. A parent of the semi-psychotic-attempting-to-produce-super-kids variety, but a parent nonetheless. So, you're dealing with the crisis of your child attending one of two sub-par Ivy League schools. You obviously want her to go to the "better" (i.e. higher-ranked, damn-liberals-stigmata-free) college. You prepare a blindsiding onslaught of negatives about...let's call it Starts With A B University. To your surprise, in the middle of this harangue, your daughter falls off of her chair laughing. It seems that you have dissed Starts With A B for its "huge frat scene."

Your daughter, after picking herself off of the floor and wiping the tears from her eyes, asks you if you have ever seen Animal House. You say yes, because really, who hasn't?

Well, did you know that Animal House was written by Starts With A D alumni? she asks.

You can't really contradict her because she shows you three independent sources confirming this somewhat disturbing fact. You waffle, claim that surely the Greek life is more rambunctious at Starts With A B, reminding your daughter of that frat house you saw when you visited with all those beer cans on the lawn. SCANDALOUS! College students drinking? Well, I never!

Your daughter points out that you didn't happen to walk by a frat house while at Starts With A D. She also seems to be prepared with statistics showing that while 29% of students are members of a Greek house at Starts with a B, more than 50% are such members at Starts With A D. She also has numerous quotes from Starts with A D students along the lines of "it seems like everyone is in a house. It's the whole social scene."

You point out to your daughter that statistics can lie. (She will repeat this to you later when she learns that Starts With A D likes to report that about 50% of the TOTAL student body is in a house, but as first-years are not permitted to rush, about 67% of ELIGIBLE students are in a house.)

The argument goes on. Other points are raised, including your brilliant analysis that "anyone who wants her to go to Starts With A B is trying to 'bring her down' ". Your daughter briefly runs away from home. Eventually, reason prevails and she agrees to go to Starts With A D. After a brief attempt to sabotage some people who you suspect of "encouraging" your daughter to attend Starts With A B, you are content.

Fast forward. Your daughter LOVES Starts With A D. It's not as conservative as you thought, and now your daughter wants to go to medical school. This is vexing.

But even worse, now she wants to join a sorority. SORORITIES? All sororities are anti-intellectual and full of dumb blondes, especially at Ivy-League schools because, you know, stereotypically dumb sorority girls make up such a large percentage of the student body.

Round two of the argument begins. Your daughter brings up Round one, in which she allegedly TOLD you that this may happen. You categorically deny this and threaten many consequences if your daughter does indeed rush. Why didn't someone WARN you that there was such a significant Greek scene at Starts With A D????

Your daughter stabs herself in the eye with a pickle fork. You continue to wonder...why?

4 comments:

Leina said...

if you want to join a sorority, you should. it's going to take over your life during pledging, but you're not going to lose yourself in it unless you want to. My roommate is in a sorority and she's only seen her sisters I think twice so far this year and she's not your typical sorority girl. You should join if you want to! No one is going to judge! :D (well, that was a lie...but people aren't going to know unless you want them to know)

Abby said...

i'm not into sororities, myself, but then neither am i into sports, and i think it's pretty cool that other people are. as long as you're not joining your school's version of our AOpi (the girls who come into class monday morning with stories like "oh my goooosh, like i was soooo druuuunk the other night? and i lost my shoe! haHAAA!" and think these are the height of entertainment), good for you, man.

dude. not only do *i* find your mother's attitudes horrifying - *my* mother finds your mother's attitudes horrifying. (of course, my mom was the one who snerked every time someone on a tour would ask if it was a party school - she said "if you want a party, you'll find a party. i could find you a party at brigham young!" but STILL.)

Sayuri said...

yea! as long as you don't aspire to become one of the "stereotypical sorority girls" that get drunk and forget what happened ever weekend, you should go for it :) it seems like a good sorority would have a nice community, and yay friends.

although, i can't say too much about anything related to the greek system, because there's like 2 frats and 1 sorority for the whole 5 claremont colleges, and from what i hear, they're of the stereotypical LET'S GET DRUNK AND HAVE SEX! variety.

Evey Carton said...

eh...hem...a sorority??? ok, please consider this post official "encouragement" of a deflective tone:)